Right Wing Nation

After reading this on Cannuckistan Chronicles, I think a gentle, nurturing attitude adjustment is needed for our paranoid northern neighbors.

First, except for perhaps those relative few Americans who live far enough north that they can’t avoid it, we almost never think about you. (Yes, I know, and that annoys you. Oh well. You’ll get over it.)

No, we have no plans to “take over” Canada (like I said, we think about Canada less often than we do fruitcake). We suffer from “If we figured it out on our own, then they can too” syndrome (adapted from “Hamburgers Yes, Federalism No” by Mark Steyn). Contrary to popular paranoid leftist delusions, we’re not too awfully interested in “meddling” with other countries unless it happens to be in our national interest. Sorry, life’s like that. And sure, though we’d like you on our side, be honest: It’s not like it makes much difference one way or another, given that you’ve so castrated your military you might as well not have it at all.

Second, those of us who either are close enough to the border or happen to work with Canadians tend to find them … I did say gentle and nurturing, didn’t I … annoying. Primarily, it’s because you Canucks are schizo. You can’t make up your minds who you are. All you can do is compare yourselves to us – and note that we never compare ourselves to you. That’s because we know who we are. We know what we stand for. We know why we’re a nation.

You don’t. That’s fine, of course, or would be if it didn’t make you go on and on and on and on about the US all the time. Let’s face it, when you come here to take advantage of our economy because you can’t find a job up there, then do nothing but cut us down, it gets old fast.

Hell, if you didn’t tell us, and never said “about” or “house” (or learned to say them in English), we’d never know you were from Canada. And amazingly, even that makes you go off the deep end.

Every time you do, we’re left scratching our heads wondering what the hell it is you want or expect.

Finally, believe it or not, we’re not even that annoyed with your left-wing nonsense. Even that bed-wetter Martin’s refusal to sign the missle treaty didn’t bother us, because be realistic. If a missle comes toward us through your air space, we are shooting it down, whether you like it or not. Deal with it. Come back to planet Earth.

And one more thing. If you see my luggage, you’ll see that universal NO sign over a maple leaf. Don’t take it personally. It’s not an anti-Candadian thing; it has to do with the fact that I’m far more annoyed by Americans who pretend to be Canadians.

Carry on.

That’s what they said we’d have last night. Light snow flurries. Now maybe they were wrong, or maybe there’s a language thing going on here, cause where I’m from, light snow flurries don’t do this (two from the front and two from the back, and yes, that building across the street in the second picture is St. Josef Stalin):