Sep 20 2006
And In The Spirit of Postmoderism and Idiocy
I give you our postmodernist math class:
“Today, we’re covering addition. Lakeesha, what’s two plus two?”
“Twenty-two?”
“Class, in Lakeesha’s cultural narrative, two plus two is twenty-two. Remember, Lakeesha comes from a rich, vibrant, oppressed culture in touch with nature, and her cultural narrative is as valid as anyone else’s! Now, Ahmed, what is three plus three?”
“Eight?”
“Ahmed also comes from a rich, vibrant, culture in harmony with nature, and in his cultural narrative, three plus three equals eight!”
“I thought three plus three was six.”
“Johnny, three plus three equals six only in your oppressive, white, imperialist European cultural narrative!”
“Uhm, okay. But my dad is a math teacher and he said …”
“Your dad is a white Eurocentric male, Johnny! If you keep oppressing the other students, I’ll have to give you boo-boo points!”
“Teacher, Johnny makes me feel unsafe!”
“See, Johnny? Your white, imperialist worldview is disenfranchising the disadvantaged students, and they must feel safe if they are to learn! Twenty boo-boo points for you for your cultural imperialism!”
“Teacher, if two plus two equals twenty-two, does two plus three equal twenty-three?”
“It does in Lakeesha’s worldview! And remember, she comes from a rich, vibrant, marginalized culture in harmony with Mother Earth! Now gold stars for everybody because you’ve done so well with today’s math lesson!”
“Me too?”
“No, because you’re a cultural imperialist, Johnny! Now, let’s turn to our group assignments from yesterday! The problem was, “If I have four apples and I give you two, how many apples do I have left?
“Lakeesha, how did your group solve the problem?”
“We drew a picture, see?”
“That’s lovely! Ahmed, how did your group solve the problem?”
“We glued string to a poster board, see?”
“That’s so very creative, Ahmed! Gold stars for all of you!”
“Teacher?”
“What is it now, Johnny?”
“Aren’t we going to talk about the answer?”
“Johnny, there isn’t just one answer! This is a rich, complex, real-world problem! Answers aren’t important — critical thinking is important!”
“But I subtracted …”
“Three hours of detention for you, Johnny, now! And don’t bring your cultural imperialism back into the classroom! You threaten our disadvantaged, oppressed students!”
3 responses so far
3 Responses to “And In The Spirit of Postmoderism and Idiocy”
That’s awesome!
I had the pleasure to work with somebody that graduated with a diploma from such an institution.
One day he asked me what the factor to convert square meters into cubic meters were.
This is funny but very scary.
Scary is a good word for it.