On the side of the quart of cream in my refrigerator, in small letters at the bottom, it reads:
Allergy warning: contains milk
Well, duh. So how long is it going to be before we see cans of Planter’s Peanuts with Allergy warning: contains peanuts on the label? Yes, I realize they want to avoid lawsuits, but the really idiotic thing about this is that the warning is in little tiny letters, under Heavy cream in great big letters. So the warning is for the idiots who missed the great big letters saying Heavy cream — and if they missed it, what’s it doing in their shopping carts? And why would putting Allergy warning: contains milk in teeny letters under Heavy cream in great big letters head off a lawsuit?
More bizarrely, however, is what’s on the label of this Dagoba free-range organic chocolate in the house (they publish a newsletter called — are you ready? — The Tao of Cacao — and they also have a warning on their label, Made in a facility that also uses tree nuts, milk protein, and soy, and I take it from the warning that now people are becoming so exceedingly “allergic” that being within ten miles of a substance will send them into a coma or something.) You know they’re wackos when you start reading the label: Dagoba is dedicated to the Art of Chocolate Alchemy: transforming cacao into exquisite chocolate through Full Circle Sustainabilityâ„¢: blending equity, quality, ecology and community. And of course, everything is organic and free-range and whatever other meaningless label that makes liberals wet themselves over how virtuous they are.
The really bizarre thing about the label, though, is the directions. Let me type them in, word for word, so you can see for yourself: We recommend slow heating one cup of milk or milk alternative on the stovetop till hot, stirring in a continuous clockwise circle eleven times, then eleven counterclockwise stirs. Continue with this stirring cycle until vapors rise. Whisk in 3 tablespoons of our mix and pour into your favorite mug. Cordials may be added to taste to create a wonderful after dinner drink.
Okay, it’s the stirring eleven times in one direction then the other thing I can’t figure out. Why does it make any difference which direction, or how many times — indeed, since you’re just heating milk, why stir at all? Does it somehow change the chi-energy of the drink? Is it some kind of feng shui thing? Will the chocolate taste better if we light some incense and smoke a bong before? And are moonbatty food directions the next trend coming down the pike?
bird dog says:
I warned you that you were becoming a right-wing food blog. Just make sure all of your food is right-wing. Scalloped chicken is right-wing, for sure.
January 29, 2007, 10:53 amdragonlady474 says:
What? You don’t have to chant any magical words first?
January 29, 2007, 11:56 amjoubertconlon says:
Aargh! Well at least it was not another recipe for me to read before breakfast. Can I sue you if I get fat from your recipes?
January 29, 2007, 12:57 pmRobert says:
To be fair here:
(1) There *are* people out there who have severe, even life-threatening allergic reactions to nuts and other foods, even if they get downwind of it. I’ve seen it happen and it ain’t pretty. If it were my kid who was that allergic, I’d want everything short of an air raid siren going off to alert me to potential allergens.
(2) The rather exotic directions on the chocolate are just BS, and I’d bet that the makers of that chocolate are fully aware of that. They probably just put that nonsense on the carton as a joke or means of evoking a certain mood in the people using it.
(3) I’ve been getting organic produce at the store lately and, even if it’s just a placebo effect, that stuff tastes a whole lot better than their non-organic counterparts.
Am I going moonbatty?
January 29, 2007, 1:19 pmrightwingprof says:
If you start chanting while you’re mixing up those organic instant mashed potatoes, dial 911.
January 29, 2007, 2:09 pmrightwingprof says:
Yes, there are. Most allergies can be treated. But these days, instead of getting allergies treated so kids can live a more or less normal life, the world is expected to accommodate their allergies. So no peanuts on the airplane. No peanuts at school. It’s the same as dhimmitude, except that instead of not eating pork since there may be Muslims around, we’re not eating anything somebody who may be in the area may be allergic to.
It’s idiocy. It’s also irresponsible parenting. It’s a parental duty to have one’s child treated for allergies — and not demanding that everybody else accommodate him.
January 29, 2007, 2:38 pmJeffrey Quick says:
Since most people have never seen anything but homogenized milk (or “homo milk”, as the label said in a
January 29, 2007, 2:58 pmgayermore innocent time), it probably doesn’t occur to them that cream comes from milk. They probably think it comes from soy lecithin and high-fructose corn syrup. It’s like my parents (who grew up on farms and know better) referring to margarine as “butter”.rightwingprof says:
Working backwards, aren’t you about my age, so weren’t your parents WW2 era? My parents knew the difference between butter and margarine too — though come to think of it, they didn’t call margine butter. They called it oleo. Still, there was that whole “it’s just as good” think that came out of WW2 and rationing.
Not knowing where cream comes from, you may be right. I even know people who can’t eat meat with bones in it because it reminds them it came from an animal. How silly is that? What do they convince themselves it comes from when they’re eating it? And do you think these people know that peanuts come from peanuts?
January 29, 2007, 3:24 pmBruce Long says:
Don’t forget, 11 is a PRIME number!
January 29, 2007, 4:36 pmGayle says:
I agree with you… warning that a caron of cream contains milk is way over the top. The “dumbing down” of Americans has been completed!
I saw your comment over at Patrick’s about there being two Dragon Lady’s. I don’t know about the other one, but yes, I’m a conservative, and probably getting moreso by the hour.
Blessings! :)
January 30, 2007, 12:42 pmJeffrey Quick says:
‘31 and ‘35…so they remember the Depression and war.
January 30, 2007, 2:49 pmOne of our granddaughters knows where chicken comes from, because when she was 2, she saw us make meat out of chickens. “Why you chop the chicken’s head off? Why you pluck the feathers out?” and while I was working with gizzards, “Why you do that?” “Because I don’t like to waste food. ” “Oh, I waste food all the time!”, which was the gospel truth. She went home and bragged that WE chopped the chickens head off. But she still doesn’t like Grampa’s chicken…McNuggets are another matter.
rightwingprof says:
The other Dragon Lady is here.
January 30, 2007, 5:17 pmdragonlady474 says:
Just for the record, I used to be an Independent but now I’m a Republican.
Thanks for the link Professor! :)
January 31, 2007, 2:53 amRight Wing Nation says:
[…] That chili I made yesterday kicked butt. Rather than go out of the house again, I used what I already had. And in the spirit of Dagoba free-range organic chocolate — indeed, in honor of crunchy limousine liberals everywhere, but particularly Seattle — I offer my chili con carne. […]
February 4, 2007, 6:55 amRight Wing Nation says:
[…] I was going to do more of these, then forgot about it. So to start it off, here’s a birkenstock and dreadlock wearing, slobbering at the mouth, “Bush is HITLER!” chili recipe, dedicated to those Seattle moonbats who make Dagoba free-range organic chocolate — indeed, in honor of crunchy limousine liberals everywhere, but particularly Seattle. […]
May 15, 2007, 4:17 pmThis Is Getting Ridiculous says:
[…] January, I commented on the idiocy of putting Allergy warning: contains milk on a carton of heavy cream, but okay. […]
November 9, 2007, 4:04 pm