Ace, in his typically hilarious style, accurately classifies liberals:
Liberals tend to fall into two categories, and sometimes both.
“I’m Too Complex For Categorization And Labels” Liberals. These liberals are so enamored of their amazing complex and unpredictably maverick minds they simply will not countenance the suggestion their mode of thinking, or emoting, falls into rather common patters generally associated with left-liberalism. They fetishize their one or two departures from the liberal herdthink consensus (”But I’m not opposed to private social security accounts!”), as if having a pair of weakly heterodox positions is enough to auto-excommunicate them from the Holy Mother Church.
Got news for ya: This isn’t called being “so complex as to defy categorization.” It’s called, simply, “being human.”
The irony here is that this argument is so self-defeating– they think they’re not liberals because they imagine that conservatives are so robotically Borg-minded as to not have any heterodoxies of their own. Thus demonstrating that not only are they liberal, they’re so goddamned liberal they’ve never even spoken to a single conservative.
“I Do Not Believe In ‘Liberalism,’ I Just Believe In ‘Common Sense’” Liberals. Here a liberal simply takes what is, demonstrably, according to every poll and every election since 1980, a left-of-center politics and simply redefines it as “centrist.” Only people to their far left are “liberals” (but they generally are never so impolite as to call them such).
If they’re in “the center,” that makes the majority of the country what, praytell? Well, they’re “outside the mainstream,” and ought not be included in the survey, as their opinions are so bizarre and hateful as to be not be worthy of consideration.
Read the whole thing. And while you’re there, be sure not to miss More Classic Cinema: Lt. Horatio Caine And His Partner, The Sunglasses Of Justice. Classic.
