Right Wing Nation

You no doubt heard about the idiotic petition to free Paris Hilton (I’ll include a bit of the petition, so you can get an idea of the towering intellects behind it):

She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.

[ . . . ]

We, the American public who support Paris, are shocked, dismayed and appalled by how Paris has been the person to be used as an example that Drunk Driving is wrong. We do not support drunk driving or DUI charges. Paris should have been sober. But she shouldn’t go to jail, either.

I was going to start a HANG PARIS HILTON BY THE NECK UNTIL DEAD petition, but it looks like a lot of people beat me to it. We have:

• Jail Paris Hilton Petition
• Get Rid of Paris Hilton for Good
• Paris Hilton is a waste of time
• No Clemency for Paris Hilton
• Go Away Paris
• Don’t Pardon Paris Hilton
  and, I’m afraid,

• Hang Paris Hilton

And these 20,000 idiots who signed the Free Paris Hilton petition. Do they have no shame, or are they even stupider than it seems?

Hat tip to Freeborn John for The English-to-12-Year-Old-AOLer Translator, which takes the opening paragraph from Emerson’s “Self-Reliance”:

I READ the other day some verses written by an eminent painter which were original and not conventional. The soul always hears an admonition in such lines, let the subject be what it may. The sentiment they instil is of more value than any thought they may contain. To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men,–that is genius. Speak your latent conviction, and it shall be the universal sense; for the inmost in due time becomes the outmost, and our first thought is rendered back to us by the trumpets of the Last Judgment. Familiar as the voice of the mind is to each, the highest merit we ascribe to Moses, Plato and Milton is that they set at naught books and traditions, and spoke not what men, but what they thought. A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the lustre of the firmament of bards and sages. Yet he dismisses without notice his thought, because it is his. In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty. Great works of art have no more affecting lesson for us than this. They teach us to abide by our spontaneous impression with good- humored inflexibility then most when the whole cry of voices is on the other side. Else to-morrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense precisely what we have thought and felt all the time, and we shall be forced to take with shame our own opinion from another.

And returns this:

I READ TEH OTHAR DAY SOM3 VARS3S WRITEN BY AN EMIENNT PANETER WHICH WARA ORIGINAL AND NOT CONV3NTIONAL!1!11 OMG WTF TEH SU ALWAYS H3ARS AN ADMONITION IN SUCH LIENS LET TEH SUBJECT B WUT IT MAY!!11!! WTF LOL DA SENTIEMNT THEY INSTIL SI OF MORE VALUE THAN ANY THOUGHT THEY MAY CONTANE!!111!11 WTF 2 BLEIVE UR OWN THOUGHT 2 BLEIV3 TAHT WUT SI TRUE FOR U IN UR PRIVAET HAART SI TRUE FOR AL MAN-TAHT SI G3NIUS!1!111 OMG SPAAK UR LAETNT CONVICTION AND IT SHAL B DA UNIEVRSAL SANSA FOR TEH INMOST IN DU3 TIEM BCOMAS DA OUTMOST AND OUR FIRST THOUGHT SI R3NDAR3D BAK 2 US BY DA TRUMPETS OF DA LAST JUDGM3NT!11!1! OMG WTF FMILIAR AS DA VOIEC OF TEH MIND SI 2 3ACH DA HIGH3ST MERIT W3 ASCRIEB 2 MOS3S PLA2 AND MIL2N SI TAHT THEY SET AT NAUGHT BOKS AND TRADITIONS AND SPOK3 NOT WUT M3N BUT WT THOUGHT!1!1! LOL A MAN SHUD L3ARN 2 DETECT AND WATCH TAHT GLEM OF LIGHT WHICH FLASH3S ACROS HIS MIND FROM WITHIN MOR3 THAN DA LUSTR3 OF DA FIRMMANT OF BARDS AND SAEGS!1!1! OMG Y3T HA DISMISAS WITHOUT NOTIEC HIS THOUGHT B/C IT SI HIS!11!!!!! OMG IN EVERY WORK OF GENIUS W3 RACOGNIEZ OUR OWN REJACTAD THOUGHTS THEY COME BAK 2 US WIT A C3RTANE ALEINAETD MAEJSTY!11!1 WTF LOL GR3AT WORKS OF ART HAEV NO MOR3 AF3CTNG LESON FOR US THAN THIS!1!1!1! OMG WTF LOL THEY T3ACH US 2 ABIED BY OUR SPONTAENOS IMPRESION WIT GOD- HUMORED INFLAXIBILITY THEN MOST WHEN DA WHOLE CRY OF VOIECS SI ON DA OTHAR SIED!11!!!!1! LOL ELSE 2-MOROW A STRANGAR WIL SAY WIT MAST3RLEY GOD SANS3 PR3CIESLEY WUT WE HAEV THOUGHT AND F3LT AL TEH TIEM AND WA SHAL B FORC3D 2 TAEK WIT SHME OUR OWN OPINION FROM ANOTHER!!1!!!1! OMG LOL

It’s just like reading Daily Kos.

The really bizarre thing is that this damned ticket has so many candidates on it, and the only one I really want to win the general election is a frakking Democrat. What does that tell you about the Republican candidates?

Pennsylvania Supreme Court:

Maureen Lally-Green (Endorsed by PA GOP State Committee)
Michael L. Krancer (Endorsed by PA GOP State Committee)
Paul P. Panepinto

The problem is that there are two open seats, three candidates running, and two of them are endorsed by the pit of vipers also known as the Pennsylvania GOP. One of the votes is easy: Panepinto, because the state party isn’t endorsing him, and because I heard a rumor that the national GOP is. There’s another reason to vote for him: He’s running his ads not on youtube, but QubeTV (here and here). But which of the state party-tainted candidates do I vote for?

Let’s start with Krancer. Scuse me, but why should I care if you’re a Civil War reenactor or not? What does that have to do with being a state Supreme Court judge? Then, his site says:

Judge Krancer is proud to have received the endorsement of the full body of the Republican State Committee of Pennsylvania

Buddy, that doesn’t get you points with me. But the really annoying thing is that this idiot is too cheap to buy his own domain for a campaign site. Instead, he uses one page on the state party site. I’m not likely to vote for him unless Lally-Green is worse.

However, she’s not. In fact, she’s got some strong points. First, Toomey endorsed her. That gets her a lot of points from me, even if she was endorsed by the state party (spit). She was also endorsed by the Pennsylvania FOP, usually a plus for a judicial candidate. So I guess I’ll vote for her.

Now, the next race, for Pennsylvania Superior Court:

Cheryl L. Allen
Bruce F. Bratton (Endorsed by PA GOP State Committee)
Jacqueline Shogan (Endorsed by PA GOP State Committee)

First, Allen, who’s almost guaranteed one of my two votes because the state party didn’t endorse her. Eh. She sound a little on the bleeding-heart side to me (sprinkling buzzwords like “disadvantaged” through your bio doesn’t make me want to vote for you). On the other hand, she’s the only candidate in this race who got Highly Qualified from the state bar association. Maybe.

Then, Bratton, another candidate who apparently isn’t too interested in winning, since he also couldn’t be bothered to plunk down fifteen bucks for his own domain. One page, very little information (biographical only), and all this experience he lists makes him sound like a professional politician from way back, not the kind of person I’m most likely to vote for.

And Shogan, at least she has her own domain. Okay, she’ll get my vote. She’s been recommended by the Firearm Owners Against Crime (FOAC), the state NRA affiliate. She has a pretty impressive list of endorsements, including Toomey, the State Corrections Officers Association, and the Pittsburgh FOP. So I guess I vote for the two women in this race.

For Centre County judge, Court of Common Pleas, we have:

Jonathan D. Grine
R. Bruce Manchester
Stephen P. Sloane

Grine is a no-brainer. Go check out that list of endorsements, it looks like from every law enforcement organization in the county. There we go.

Manchester’s site is full of information–except that none of it is what I want to know. I don’t care about his (or any judicial candidate’s) civic service, or how long his family is been in the county. I want to get some idea of what he’ll do if he’s wearing the robe. And he gives no indication there, so probably not

Sloane is also a no-brainer. Fifteen years as the ADA, over 5,000 cases with a 90% conviction rate. There’s my other vote (defense attorneys and ambulance chasers running for judge seats needn’t even try to get my vote).

Moving from the county to the (multi) township level, we have Magisterial District Judge:

Drew Clemson
Leslie A. Dutchcot
Lynn Herman
Robert Stewart

Clemson. It’s a mixed bag. First, there’s this:

Explore alternative justice initiatives that have proven effective in preventing crime

That sounds like he wants to teach criminals to knit instead of throwing them behind bars. But he has endorsements from two of the four township police departments he’ll be serving, and he is a cop. Maybe.

There’s a whole lotta nothin on Dutchcot’s site. Actually, there’s a fair amount there, but it’s crap, like this:

• Member American Heart Association - Centre County Heart Walk Committee
• Member Women’s Welcome Club
• Volunteer with Centre County PAWS
• Solicitor to Rescue Me, Inc
• Volunteers within the Community to keep public spaces beautiful

I’m glad she likes animals and plants trees, but what does that have to do with the job?

Stewart at least has the endorsement of the county Pennsylvania State Troopers Association.

Of the three bozos running for Sheriff, only one has a website, and none has sent out any flyers of any kind. That’s not the way to win an election (though surely, none thinks he’ll win). I’ll vote in the primary for the one who does have a website, Kalmbach, and Nau in the general election.

Then there are the bozos running for school board. After almost every other candidate has nothing on his website, these educrat kool-aid drinkers have so damned much educrationese drivel on their sites I can’t get all the way through them. The first time I see “21st century classroom” my eyes glaze over and I shut down. Before Tuesday, I’ll have to slog through all their nonsense, but not now, and not today.

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