Right Wing Nation

I got this about a year ago on a mailing list. It’s very weird, and I think it’s hilarious. Enjoy!

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.”

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

MCCAIN-PALIN 2008 LAUNCHES
“HONEST AND OPEN ELECTION COMMITTEE”

ARLINGTON, VA — The McCain-Palin 2008 campaign today announced the formation of the Honest and Open Election Committee, with a mission to ensure that every qualified citizen has the opportunity to vote in a fair and transparent manner. The committee will work with state and local election officials to anticipate, and where possible resolve in advance, problems likely to arise on Election Day.

The advisory committee will be co-chaired by former United States Senators John C. Danforth and Warren B. Rudman. The committee also includes current and former members of Congress and former state secretaries of state, election officials, and state attorneys general, along with prominent academic experts in election law. The diverse composition of the committee reflects the McCain-Palin campaign’s desire to put partisan politics aside in the hope of seeing a fair and transparent election in November.

The committee will advise the campaign with respect to policy and actual or potential legal proceedings involving the campaign laws and practices in various states working towards avoiding litigation when possible.

“The purpose of the Honest and Open Election Committee is to resolve potential voting problems in advance of Election Day to bolster voters’ confidence in the system,” said Rudman. “We believe that elections should be decided by voters, not lawyers.”

The Honest and Open Election Committee requested a dialogue between the McCain-Palin campaign and both the Democratic National Committee and the Obama-Biden campaign in letters sent today.

“We stand ready to work with you in a cooperative manner on issues that, if not handled properly, are likely to become adversarial,” the letter states. “Let’s show the American people that our two parties can together develop a transparent and open process in every voting place in the country. Experience has shown that careful, advance planning that anticipates and addresses problems and creates solutions can substantially reduce issues on Election Day.”

Full press release is here. The website is here.

Obama’s campaign denies that he tried to interfere in Iraqi policies — by admitting that he did.

But Obama’s national security spokeswoman Wendy Morigi said Taheri’s article bore “as much resemblance to the truth as a McCain campaign commercial.”

In fact, Obama had told the Iraqis that they should not rush through a “Strategic Framework Agreement” governing the future of US forces until after President George W. Bush leaves office, she said.

That’s exactly what Taheri said.

So is this some sort of chic and trendy new “critical thinking mode” we’re seeing here? “No, it’s not wet, because it’s wet.” Did they lack the basic literacy to read the article? Or do they just not understand why this might be an issue?

Idiots.

PJ Comix, who reads Dummycratic Underwear so you don’t have to, points to — and entertainingly annotates — the psychotic break over the polls.

All together!

Chuck Todd is LYING!
MSNBC is LYING!
CNN is LYING!
ABC is LYING!
CBS is LYING!
Wallstreet Journal is LYING!
USA Today is LYING!
And the polls…?

GALLUP IS LYING!
RASMUSSEN IS LYING!

THERE IS NO TIE! This is a fabrication. This is an illusion. This is a fairytale.

The logic seems to be if you scream it loud enough, it will come true. Effective, I imagine. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: We need to put lithium in the nation’s water supply — better yet, shut down every liberal arts university in the nation. Close the doors, kick the students out on the streets.

This is what I get for not going back a second time to check Rasmussen yesterday. Latest from Pennsylvania.

The race for Pennsylvania’s 21 Electoral College votes is tied.

The latest Fox News/Rasmussen Reports telephone survey in the state finds Barack Obama and John McCain each attracting 47% of the vote (demographic crosstabs available for Premium Members). Eighty-three percent (83%) of Obama voters are certain they will vote for him and not change their mind before Election Day. An identical percentage of McCain voters say the same thing.

So if they’re tied, 34% of likely voters are soft support for both candidates.

McCain’s favorability ratings are going up, while Obama’s are going down:

McCain is viewed favorably by 60%, up three points from a week ago. Obama’s ratings are at 52% favorable, down three points.

And:

Also, by a 51% to 42% margin, voters in the Keystone State trust McCain more than Obama.

Bitter, clingy voters refuse to submit to His Changeyness!