I know. God makes people uneasy, and I don’t want to drive you away if that’s the case. But if I choose a primary blog, I can use what time God gives me more efficiently and productively. So I hope I see you there.

Oh. And if you use my Penn State email addy, switch to clay.bond@gmail.com or rightwingprof@gmail.com. Penn State will obviously at some point nix my account, so since I don’t know when they will, it makes more sense to start using one of the gmail accounts now (the added benefit is that I don’t have to use that crappy webmail interface, and it really does suck bad).

Oh the up and down side at once, boy, I’d love to see Dallas smear McNabb all over the field today, but I don’t think I’m going to make it all the way through after a 7:30 kickoff, not on these drugs.

And I did mean that literally. I had never seen him near that upset as he was when he left last night, and he’s my little brother, after all, I’ve seen him really get wacked out. Phyllis, you do need to take care of him. I already lost one brother, and I only have two left.

Today is the “official release” of the biopsy (sounds like a software version, Win7 is coming out today!) The oncologist was here yesterday, though, and gave me the 2-hr-early release version. lung cancer, and the not so good news, non-small cell lung cancer. No, I had no idea what that meant either.

There are four (I believe) types of lung cancer. I have the major type that metathesizes and invades bone, and does not particularly react to chemo. The “it’s all about maintenance” type.

The 24-hr-early-release version was good enough that next, I saw a palliative doctor, a relatively new field of medicine that focuses on maintenance. He was very nice and tried to be the most helpful doctor I’ve seen yet (tried to be for reasons that will be clear). The cancer caused me to lose the use of my legs, you recall (that’s how we got here in the first place), so maintenance will include physical therapy so I can learn to do spins and dives in my wheelchair in the supermarket aisles (okay, I’m not quite up to humor yet, sorry), studying to see if we can ever look at moving back home or whether we’re talking facility, and pain management. He doubled my morphine dose, and gave me a whole new perspective on pain management. I can’t run around (oay, so the humor still isn’t working) all day hooked up to a morphine bag and IV, so he needs to put me on a pill of the correct strength that it knocks out the pain. He doubled my dose and told me anytime the pain passes the comfort barrier (but without going past the slobber barrier) — he said, I believe, that he didn’t give out prizes for John Wayne imitations — to push the button. He then gathers the data, and can use it to start trying pills like Dilaudid, oral morphine, that sort of thing.

I’m likely moving to a facility, after we find the best option. The purpose of the facility is to learn how to better exist at home, whether I ever end up moving home or not. Maybe, maybe not, depends on how I cope with reality, I guess. Either way, can I take all, or most, of the nursing staff here? The nurses here are really great, and I don’t ever want them to leave.

My brother flew in from Indiana. He is not taking this well, and that makes me sad. I am starting to understand — really understand — what is meant by not being a burden. Really understand, down in my gut understand, and not intellectually understand. I hope I can do everything possible to avoid being burdensome. He isn’t the only one. Christopher is not handling this well either, even though he wants to seem to be. If you were here in the oncology ward of this mega-hospital complex, you’d see just how much care is involved. One person cannot do all of this. Anyway, that’s kind of a tangent. Stick to the update.

And that’s pretty much it, medicine wise. Holy Trinity (my parish) is being so supportive it brings tears to my eyes. I hope and pray I can live long enough to return to worship there, and return some of the love they have shown me. Father Alexander, from St Michael the Archangel Orthodox Church in Louisville, Kentucky, said he is trying to come next weekend. I cannot describe how much this would mean to me, since Father Alexander took it upon himself to save my soul these 25 years ago. Father John, my parish priest, has been a show of virtue and strength, and has helped me more than I can say, and the other night, Deacon Alex was here for a long visit, that I found comforting. I could use more of those, and I am very glad he came. One can perceive a show of virtue, but having that virtue come sit by your bed, a physical presence, is so much more powerful. I enjoyed our visit, and look forward to more.

You know, if I denoted the interruptions here as elipses, you wouldn’t be able to read the English for the dots. They have to do blood work. They have to change the IV site. They have to turn me. It just never stops. So while I am at a position where I’ve given you more or less all the news, I will stop here. More updates as they become available.

UPDATE: It appears from what one of the doctors said (it’s been a near constant flow of doctors in and out) that I’m to get the “official biopsy release and talk” later this morning. It could be that I get information I didn’t previously have, and if so, I’ll pass it on, but if we haven’t discussed “the options,” what were we discussing yesterday?

Last week when I suddenly lost the use of my legs, that was horrifying. After I found out why, mobility seems less important than being alive.

How to proceed depends on the results of the biopsy.

ABC’s “V” premieres Nov. 3 and will air for four weeks during sweeps, then go on hiatus until early 2010.

There’s another trailer posted there, too.

THE HEADLINE READS OBAMA CONTINUES TO LEAD 2012 CONTESTS, but that’s putting a pretty good spin on the fact that he’s only 4 points ahead of Mike Huckabee. Yes, Mike Huckabee. If you’re 47-43 over Mike Huckabee, that’s not a good sign. When, you know, you’re President, and the media love you.